He woke up naked, and cold. He was tied to

He woke up naked, and cold. He was tied to a light post, with a sign hung around his neck, written with long, twisted and strange letters. People around him passed, paying no atten

tion. The meat-faced man with the clippers shaved him & then there was tar and the downy goose feathers. A passerby took his photo. The sign around his neck said "Do Not Feed"

which encouraged kids to offer him partially eaten ice cream cones and giant lollipops. He accepted these courteously, which the kids regretted. Now that he was tarred & feathered

he could never go back to his husband. What would he think of him? 'I must appear more dignified for our date' he thought. Tonight was a big night, he and his husband were going to

meet with the queen to discuss house projects for homeless children. He put on his best tux and his nicest cologne. His marriage in the balance, he crooned over his husband. Sendin

the clowns," he whispered to Derick, his one true love. "The queen can't help but love a good show." Derick rubbed his great big nose. It honked with the fury of a hundred geese.

"Nobody likes you but me, Derick," said his companion, "not even the queen!" The queen nodded solemnly and beckoned the guards to have the two dragged away to the dungeons.

The great octopus in the sky smiled upon them. The Queen and I cooked Yorkshire pudding to celebrate the occasion.

On the way home, we skirted the Haunted Forest and made sure to make camp long before dark. We made blood offerings and let civilization grow until we were no longer needed.