Mia was waiting by Cleopatra's Needle. She

Mia was waiting by Cleopatra's Needle. She looked over the wall of the Embankment into the brown water of the Thames. She thought she saw something large move beneath the water and

looked again, and thought she saw something moving in the brownish Thames water, something fat and turgid, so she rubbed her eyes, and she thought she could see just...nope, nothin

'...but wait! Yes, there it was again! She leaned over a little further for a closer look into the Thames. Oh. My. God. A body. A fat turgid body. It was Fergie, former princess

of the Kannel Club.A star amongst dog show habitués,Fergie was now dead.Her floating body was then recovered from the Thames.She was missing an arm and a leg but most of her was th

oroughly gone. Poor Fergie. She had not only been the best show dog, but also the best companion. The detectives arrived at the scene and began asking questions of contestants.

Everyone had to tell how long they had known Fergie, how many times had they wished she was sick or heaven forbid, wished she were dead! You know dog people, always going for the

jugular. Let me pawse the story to relate how Fergie cheated me at a game of sniff-and-pee the fire hydrant. She had the Prince armed with her perfume atomizer spray all the hydran

ts the night before. She was always sneaky and overly competitive, so it didn't surprise me. Little did Fergie know, I was carrying a sack of Grandma's urine.

"Grandma's Urine" was a high explosive liquid which was clear and yellow in color. It got its name from Antonin "grandma" Putin, the head of the Russian mafia. Fergie was

having trouble remembering why he had an explosive as Russian or obscure as "Grandma's Urine", but he was sure that the record player would not be an adequate shelf for it.