My pants lay across the bed. It was morning

My pants lay across the bed. It was morning and the light was shining slowly through the blinds. It was 7:30, time for me to get ready and go to work. But today I didn't want to.

I didn't feel like wearing pants today. Maybe a skirt? or those short-shorts? No! Today is the day! It's Pantaloons Day! I tried to remember where I put them...

But then I remember there is only one place worthy of a good pair of Pantaloons. The Pantaloons Safe! But now I have to remember the combination, I think there was a 314 involved?

My informant said the combination was as easy as pie. That's it! I dialed 31-41-59. The pantaloons were mine! Now for the snoods and ascots, i ventured further.

I was going to the best dressed Ren Fair patron in the world. Now that I'd stolen wardrobe I needed some gigantically juicy pieces of

eye candy to follow me around adoringly. My maids were each over 350 lbs. I strutted around Liz Phair's Renn Faire in my keen threads, getting digits and business cards with ease.

The red guitar was like a magic wand I carried until one day I was on the red line and it got stolen out of my hands by some dude who got off at Wilson.

I knew that meant something but not what. I got off at Grover and hailed a cab from the corner. It was Rez but he was an ok hack from Hackinsack out back in the tack with the sack.

"Where to," asked Rez. "Just get me out of this stinkin' town," I said. "No charge if I can come too," said Rez. "You're the driver," I said, handing him a flask of hootch.