"Ash, you moron," said Pikachu, "all these

"Ash, you moron," said Pikachu, "all these years and you still haven't figured out my true identity." Pikachu then unzipped a zipper in his back and revealed himself to be

a tree-huggin hippie. "Dig it?" asked Pikachu as he lit a joint and started poofing. "Far out, man.. Groovin' far out. Radical. Whoaaaa.." Ash blinked and stared in disbelief, as

Pikachu tied a headband around his pointy ears and said, "Hey maaaan, we're going to my pad to bake some Alice B. Toklas brownies man." Ash was drafted for Vietnam so he

immediately snapped out of it and tried to think clearly. What if I ran to Canada? Completely forgetting, of course that Picachu had already anhiliated them. Back to square one,

I took out my pocket knife, a piece of lint, two paper clips, a bent staple, the crumbs from the tip of a graphite #2 pencil, a single hair and assembled them into

a miniature working harpsicord. I then attempted to be a street musician but no one would hear me because it played at such high frequencies. Determined, I joined a

human's genetic code with that of my dog, Muffin, to create a man with the increased senses of hearing and smell that a dog has. It was a success! Finally, someone would appreciate

all my lifes work! Muffin would be so proud, what kind of name is Muffin anyways? So glad I shoved that dog into a wood chipper! I could have just taken some blood for the DNA but

the police already had it and arrested me on charged for animal abuse." I shut the diary there, my face furrowed with contempt for its author. Oh no...that could only mean my pet

parrot had been making crank calls again.