Life is beautiful if you're beautiful, but

Life is beautiful if you're beautiful, but if you're an ugly dwarf like me life can be very tough. so I decided to get tough too. I signed up for a course in martial arts. On the

first day, I got to grapple with a gorgeous young woman because she was kind enough to offer to partner with me when she realized no one wanted to pair up with an ugly dwarf.

We started of slowly with some tango. Eventually things got hot and we ended up break-dancing all night without giving a rats arse about the peasants around us. Suddenly the

Funky Bunch arrived and started dancefighting everyone off the main stage. They'd gone feral after Marky Mark went Hollywood and now it was up to us to turn tail or declare war. We

decided to "battle." Although we were the X-Men, the opponents were the Marky Markless "Funky Bunch." Rough Trade. Cardboard was put on the ground. "Freakazoid" was popped into

an empty Pringles canister 'cause once you pop you don't stop. In fact all of the WB's 90s cartoon lineup was stuffed inside to ignore their complaints about their target audience.

can't imagine what would come next. The sky opened and a flying vehicle shined over the mountains near the town. It showed a flag in which he thought to read: "Go away

and leave me be. I'm an old man who the system neglected. When these nice little green men kidnapped me and had me board their UFO, it was the nicest thing anyone ever did

The chicken stew with parsnips was so good, I asked for the recipe and have it.