40

Twas the Bill before Christmas & all thu

  • Twas the Bill before Christmas & all thu the House, the lawyers were grumbling & beginning to grouse. "T'will take a fortnight to see this thing done, I'm tired but let's have some
  • coffee and cinnamon buns." "How's about some eggnog instead? It's my day off."
  • "I'll cut you a deal. You heat the eggnog & chop the cinnabuns. We'll pretend its a fondue". So Santa & I sat down & he told me about his worst "delivery" ever which went like this
  • The jolly old elf stared into the fire. "We were still in Saigon. Blitzen was on point and Dancer had the artillery. We were after Col. Kurtz. He had been assigned to 'naughty.'
  • Col. Kurtz wasn't @#$!%&* around. He planned "to take out those punk kids" on the naughty list w/ "the big guns." Timmy was next. The reindeer set up a perimeter on his roof
  • & Col. Kurtz & his darkness of heart disappeared into the shadows behind the chimney. Rudolph had a foreleg at the trigger of the Big Gun. The light came on in Timmy's room. Angry
  • Birds could be heard playing on his tablet. No. Not this night. Not any more nights to come. Rudolph kicked the door open with a hoof and pumped the Nerf™ shotgun at Timmy's face.
  • Timothy, mid-coitus, did the only thing a fictional character could do: He swore his love to and planted his seed inside Sweet Polly Pure Bred, and poor Rudolph succumbed to guilt.
  • And that, my jolly friends, is why the other reindeer never let Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Alcoholism made his NOSE RED. The whole foggy Christmas Eve story was bullshit
  • and Santa was sick of Rudolph’s drunken flirting with Mrs. Claus. He paid Comet $5000 to arrange a hit to bump Rudolph off. The plan got ditched after Gene Autry recorded the song.
Started
2014-12-20 18:11:12
Finished
2021-06-18 16:16:25

4 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Zetawilk Jun 21 2021 @ 11:18

    I should make up my misinterpretation to Rudolph by pitting him as a protagonist in another story.
  2. Avatar

    Woab Jun 21 2021 @ 11:46

    This story is hilarious! I'm sorry I didn't get to partake. I love it. Side note: My Mom died last month. No tragedy, she being 96 and all. Coming here and laughing at the folds certainly helps. Love to all who dare to fold. We hold each other up in ways we may never know.
  3. Avatar

    TarotGuy Jun 21 2021 @ 12:45

    My condolences to you, Woab. Losing a parent, no matter what the circumstances, is never easy. I'm glad your fellow folders are able to provide you some comfort.
  4. Avatar

    Jimbeau Jun 21 2021 @ 17:45

    Oh, Dear, Dear Woab, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. My Father has been gone for thirty years, and my Mother passed eight years ago. Life just keeps creeping at a petty pace from day to day., or so sayeth Macbeth. I salute your Mom, salute her life, and thank her for bringing you into the World. You are one of the FoldingStory elite, and I salute you, too.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!