Twas the Bill before Christmas & all thu

Twas the Bill before Christmas & all thu the House, the lawyers were grumbling & beginning to grouse. "T'will take a fortnight to see this thing done, I'm tired but let's have some

coffee and cinnamon buns." "How's about some eggnog instead? It's my day off."

"I'll cut you a deal. You heat the eggnog & chop the cinnabuns. We'll pretend its a fondue". So Santa & I sat down & he told me about his worst "delivery" ever which went like this

The jolly old elf stared into the fire. "We were still in Saigon. Blitzen was on point and Dancer had the artillery. We were after Col. Kurtz. He had been assigned to 'naughty.'

Col. Kurtz wasn't @#$!%&* around. He planned "to take out those punk kids" on the naughty list w/ "the big guns." Timmy was next. The reindeer set up a perimeter on his roof

& Col. Kurtz & his darkness of heart disappeared into the shadows behind the chimney. Rudolph had a foreleg at the trigger of the Big Gun. The light came on in Timmy's room. Angry

Birds could be heard playing on his tablet. No. Not this night. Not any more nights to come. Rudolph kicked the door open with a hoof and pumped the Nerf™ shotgun at Timmy's face.

Timothy, mid-coitus, did the only thing a fictional character could do: He swore his love to and planted his seed inside Sweet Polly Pure Bred, and poor Rudolph succumbed to guilt.

And that, my jolly friends, is why the other reindeer never let Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Alcoholism made his NOSE RED. The whole foggy Christmas Eve story was bullshit

and Santa was sick of Rudolph’s drunken flirting with Mrs. Claus. He paid Comet $5000 to arrange a hit to bump Rudolph off. The plan got ditched after Gene Autry recorded the song.