As my life flashed before my eyes, I remembered

As my life flashed before my eyes, I remembered where I put my keys.

Imagining the dire consequences this could have, I made color-coded copies of the keys and placed them on hooks in a cabinet, behind a locked door, which meant I needed another key

to unlock the locked cabinet containing all the color coded keys which was locked behind the locked door. Saving the world was confusing! How would I keep the key to the keys safe?

In total despair I just sat on my rump, staring at the safe. Introspective self-flagellation was all I could muster. I mean, why should I save the world if it created me?

You would think that if anything having created me the world deserved to be destroyed.

And it did. Gam flam blast it! It did deserve to be destroyed! And I'm just the automaton to do the job. I ready my laser fists and set my super soaker to deadly. The man who

Gives me instructions likes meatball sandwiches, but I am vegetarian. Mr. Kilroy knows he cannot force me to eat meat. I like Rice & Shine. Gluten free meatball sandwiches are the

next best thing to eating sawdust held together with Elmer's Glue-All. Mr. Kilroy says that I should go back to eating meat, but I can't bear the thought of Ferdina the cow in

a slaughterhouse. Then Mr. Kilroy said, "Back in my day sawdust was mixed with old fashioned glue made of boiled little horsey's." He whinny-laughed showing his giant front teeth.