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As my life flashed before my eyes, I remembered

  • As my life flashed before my eyes, I remembered where I put my keys.

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  • They were on the key ring. However, I remember this one time when I accidentally put one key on a key ring of its own. That doubled the complexity of my key management challenges.

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  • Imagining the dire consequences this could have, I made color-coded copies of the keys and placed them on hooks in a cabinet, behind a locked door, which meant I needed another key

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  • to unlock the locked cabinet containing all the color coded keys which was locked behind the locked door. Saving the world was confusing! How would I keep the key to the keys safe?

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  • In total despair I just sat on my rump, staring at the safe. Introspective self-flagellation was all I could muster. I mean, why should I save the world if it created me?

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  • You would think that if anything having created me the world deserved to be destroyed.

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  • And it did. Gam flam blast it! It did deserve to be destroyed! And I'm just the automaton to do the job. I ready my laser fists and set my super soaker to deadly. The man who

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  • Gives me instructions likes meatball sandwiches, but I am vegetarian. Mr. Kilroy knows he cannot force me to eat meat. I like Rice & Shine. Gluten free meatball sandwiches are the

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  • next best thing to eating sawdust held together with Elmer's Glue-All. Mr. Kilroy says that I should go back to eating meat, but I can't bear the thought of Ferdina the cow in

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  • a slaughterhouse. Then Mr. Kilroy said, "Back in my day sawdust was mixed with old fashioned glue made of boiled little horsey's." He whinny-laughed showing his giant front teeth.

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