Maybe next time the arsonist could torch

Maybe next time the arsonist could torch the Ed Hardy store.

With that in mind, Jacobs pulled an all-nighter watching his favorite motivational film "Roadhouse". The Ed Hardy Store was gonna be torched like Daltons Barnyard loft in the film.

Jacob's odd choice of motivational cinema always brought him to tears at the end of the film when his "Hero" Wesley died. "It would be better if a polar bear fell on Ed Hardy!"

"Yes. Yes it would," humored the director who wore too much makeup. Jacob's library of out-of-context motivational films was kept all on VHS. He converted all his DVDs onto VHS

and loaded them aboard the hot-air balloon. All of the cast was going that afternoon on a sunset ride. Jacob thought the motivational films on VHS were exceptionally potent ballast

, but he was sadly mistaken.You see, Jacob's films were motivational, meant to uplift, to buoy, to elevate. That meant that the hot-air balloon could never land. The cast drifted

out of consciousness as the oxygen became thinner and thinner. Jacob's publicity stunt for his motivational films was about to generate the wrong kind of attention when the balloon

Blew up into 456,289 pieces, as detetmined by Detective Rough. Jacob was embarrassed but recovered composure just in time for the reporters to ask him about the dreadful accident.

Jacob told the reporters that it was an accident, that the wall was unstable, and so was Humpty's psychogical state. But Detective Rough found it was the microwave that blew him up

, and raged: "You B&E'd- fine, you needed the money. Assaulted the homeowner- hell, self preservation. But to microwave an egg as is & not youtube it? I'm locking you up for good!"