"When I asked you to kiss behind the ears,

"When I asked you to kiss behind the ears, this is not what I meant!" Julie shrieked as she batted down the corn husk and stomped away. Women! You can't live with 'em, you can't

hang out in corn fields. Julie, the farmer's daughter, left him. The scare-crow saddly turned back to his post. It was a steady job, but the opportunties for dating were minimal.

The Scarecrow did not count the fly by night encounters with the crows actual "dates." More like episodes that tide you over the long and lonely summer nights in Ohio.

but the girls in Ohio always wore their skirts so way up high and looked so delicious in the fading sunset that the Scarecrow didn't care that he didn't have anything to woo them.

Melodrama and philandering were just two of the Scarecrow's many vices. Impaling himself in public to elicit pity from young women usually did the trick, but it was a slow day.

He was also annoyed by the guy next to him who was doing the same impaling trick and eliciting gasps from passing women. Scarecrow decided to go one better and chopped off his own

head. His straw bale head rolled down 5th Avenue into his lit corncob pipe.He was about to lose his head for real! Just as the embers began to smolder, a blonde in Ug boots stooped

and whispered in his ear, "Ugg!" apparently she had been coopted mentally by her boots, and

the half digested egg salad sandwich swimming in the bile and disgust of her former lover.