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After I invented and mass produced my secretly

  • After I invented and mass produced my secretly crack-infused cookie cracker (aptly named CRACK!) I was filthy stinking rich. I started the requisite non-profit charities and such b

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  • -s so I could advertise on Nickelodeon, with Crackle (of cereal lore) and The Kraken as spokespersons. "It's CRACK!-a-lactic," they said. But CRACK! was heavily criticized when

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  • the FDA discovered that peanut shells and chipped bones gave CRACK! cereal its "CRACK!" A PR spokesperson stated, "Lighten up! it's non-toxic! have a bowl!"

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  • But the FDA never lightened up. Never. They were real serious. That's why they were the FDA. Everyone at the FDA had to where grey, and talk in a monotone. No could laugh because

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  • of the sensors inside FDA-offices. If anyone mistakenly laughed a massive protest would instantly materialize outside and nobody wanted to deal with that.

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  • Laughing was wrong. Everyone knew that, from the government to even the hipsters and capitalist. Much research was done into advanced technologies to prevent laughter. Chuck Nor

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  • thwestern Airlines, an FBI assassin posing as a stewardess, roamed the aisle, mentally noting the seat numbers of illegal laughers. One by one, he would hunt them down and

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  • pelt them in the back of the head with acorns. Being trained by nature's ninjas made him a particularly successful FBI agent, yet he still got bum raps working for Northwestern.

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  • He looked again at his gun. It was old and rusty, but still had a clear shot - when the situation required it. And this is what he was counting on, next.

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  • But then...the sudden pain. Misty red vision. Floating above...himself? Blood everywhere. Peace. Traveling quickly through a tunnel. A light. A voice: "What the hell did you do?!!"

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