Welcome patrons to test chamber 323! Today,

Welcome patrons to test chamber 323! Today, you will be subjected to physical and physcological torture, as a test to see what the human mind and body can endure.

First up is the pit-tickler, Sven. Next is the nipple-biter, Sven. If you make it through that, you will meet our intestine-twister, Sven. Then a coffee break. Lastly comes the

comfy chair with high tea possibly later. Sven, we are all reasonable torturers here. If you could just sign your confession in triplicate, I see a bonus for you by next quarter.

This bonus will consist of a first class ticket on the spaceship the Jesus will be piloting back to heaven

the others who hold a first class ticket include Jerry Springer and the red Teletubby, Po. So put in your name so you can win this amazing

toaster oven with a coffee making function. Although Jerry Springer and Po had way more tickets in the basket (insanely rich) you really needed luck.

and he wanted Po's ways to be displayed in front of the world. Jerry held his composure for one last question, "tell us, Mr. Po, how did you break the code of the four

lights? You couldn't tell a hacksaw from a handbag," Jerry told Mr. Po. "In fact if they ever operated on your brain, the procedure would require a picosurgeon. Four lights, Mr.

Smartypants. Little Christmas bulbs, too. One light goes out, the WHOLE ROW is gone! Do you get my drift? Now scram, before I feed you to the crocs!"