I didn't win the Powerball jackpot, but it

I didn't win the Powerball jackpot, but it could be worse. My identical twin got hit by lightning while making a hole in one.

Ya see, he's a bartender. The "Hole in One" is his concoction: absinthe, Grande Marnier, and cyanide. My poor identical brother was serving at a golf tourney when the lightning

Struck the golf cart, causing it to explode and sending 1,847,298 radioactive metal shards across town, hitting pedestrians and cars.

Then all the radioactive metal attracted all the mercury and neon nearby, and it formed a giant disk of metal.

"NOOOO!" cried Vaughn, "I can't come out. My mother expects me to produce grandchildren. It would KILL her!" "I'll tell her then," hissed the horrible disk, and it flew wildly

away. Vaughn sobbed; he knew he shouldn't have bought that floppy disk of gay porn off of Facebook marketplace. He hadn't seen a floppy disk in years, of course it would be cursed

by the BSOD.bmp demon. A bitmap image of the Blue Screen of Death that used up all the memory on that 5 inch floppy and the script that overwrote the operating system with itself.

It's completely hosed now, I thought. I took the motherboard out of my fried computer and used it as a hockey puck to get my 13 y.o. hacker son interested in sports. It had limited

use as a puck, being not remotely puck-like. Turns out you can buy a hockey puck for like three bucks at Big-5. But by the time I realized, my boy had grown into an adult nerd.