He had been suspicious for quite some time,

He had been suspicious for quite some time, what with the wooden appearance and the strings,- but after his nose grew three inches, Michael Jackson was sure this was no real boy.

And so he planned the most evil of all plans, to steal pinocchio and bring him up as his own child. But first he had to pass unseen by Gary Glitter. Who stood by the door with an

orange, which he was peeling. From his hiding place, he rolled another orange to the glam body guard. Gary Glitter grabbed and held up the fruit, examining it. Pinocchio was

so truthful that he had a hole in the middle of his face. In fact, he had been so honest that Pinochio had a giant wooden nose growing out of the back of his skull which meant

that he could smell his own farts more directly. Geppetto saw the potential in this so he made a few more tweaks. Pretty soon, he had re-crafted Pinocchio into a crime-fighting

puppet with secret cannons with wooden ammunition. Pinocchio's one weakness: Termites. Geppetto's rival Dr. Willy had a wooden leg and eight Chippendale pieces wreaking havoc over

Gepetto's rag tag troupe of refurbished Biedermeier sofas. As the termites munched on his pulp Pinocchio rode out on a carousel horse jousting holes in Dr. Willy's Chippendales

Unbeknownst to Pinocchio, he was imploding as the termites continued to gnaw away. So after he fed Jiminy Cricket to a tarantantula and told Gepetto that Jiminy had gone to Detroit

he died.