Oh God, not another job application! Here

Oh God, not another job application! Here goes: First name: Wizard, last Name: Oz, Occupation:Pork Wizard. At Will Spells: Coat with Shake 'n' Bake, Baconator, Tofu to Bacon.

Education: Studied at Oz University's Culinary Wizardry Institute; double-major in Porcine Wizardry & Truffle Hunting. Speciality: Dark chocolate-bacon soufflé. Work experience:

Intern pork levitator. Assistant hover bacon consultant. Currently pork chop illusionist & prestidigitateur. Interests: Reading, sitting, pork. The Wizard of Oz emailed his CV to

Dumbledore, but it was written in such a bumbling Pig-Latin that his CV had no chance. The Wizard of Oz went about his business nonetheless, until one day Aunt Clara showed up at

tached to some boy who'd escaped from a Tennessee detention center. The Wizard of Oz was used to Aunt Clara making toxic romances during her "benders."

"Let me guess. You flat lined & the tin woodsman gave you a jolt & flying monkeys brought you home & this 'boy' walks your dog Toto. You're the Scarecrow, Clara." said the Wizard.

"Please take this short survey and return it to me." The Wizard shuffled his feet and then found a pencil. Clara filled it out and then hooked up the laptop.

She checked her email while the he calculated her results. "Ahem. Pay no attention to that man behind the counter." That's when Clara knew he wasn't the whiz she thought he was.

"I hadn't nor would I have even if I had known he was there, which I didn't", she said as she pushed the plunger down on the detonator. "You gave both him and yourself away for not