As the producer of the remake of "My Dinner

As the producer of the remake of "My Dinner with Andre," I had a huge crisis on my hands. 3-D post-production? Green screen? Toy tie-ins for the kids? And what about the Chinese?

The remake was set in a Chinese restaurant. Arnie S, playing André, was having a hell of a time with the chopsticks. "No, don't stab the water chestnuts!" shouted Jean-Claude Va

n Gogh. "Have you no appreciation for Impressionist technique in film?" He threw his bullhorn against the faux wall, causing it to topple, and stormed off of the set. I finished my

dinner and lit a cigar. "well this was an interesting turn" he said to his invisible parrot. The parrot quacked back at him and flew away. Now there was just a matter of

tracking him down, presumably to the Treasure. Quacky the invisible parrot would be difficult to find. "Yarr," said Bluebeard, biting down on his cigar, to his maties. "We be

Jammin.'" Bluebeard grimaced, gold and grizzly teeth flashed hopelessness like a graveyard in the bayou. Quacky the invisible parrot was terrified. But he kept quiet lest

The parrot repeat the wrong words and then have him arrested. The parrot did tell Officer Scjncbbzy "He's drunk!" about fifty times, so Jack wanted to take Polly with him to jail.

Polly, unfortunately, still had her feet cemented into the pavement, and to join Jack, she would have to be severed at the ankles. Jail was no longer an option, instead they

decided to cover the entire earth with cement, so Polly wouldn't be all alone in her cement overshoes situation. Soon, cement mixers were on every corner. "Hurry!" squawked Polly.

They matched her lovely cement shoes & rooftop gardens trended to compensate. Polly was a trend setter in gardens & shoes until cement became passe. Jack hammers everywhere!