My mouth was raw and I could taste the sharp

My mouth was raw and I could taste the sharp tang of iron. Looking around I didn't have a place to spit to see what was going on in there. I popped another hard candy. Last one for

at least a lightyear or three. The things they don't tell you at Starfleet Academy could fill a Meduvian freighter. I shifted in my cramped cockpit. Drat! My mouth was really

tingly, but that's what happens when you have a Caitian's tongue."Senor Lolcat, so glad you arrived!" Captain Pike greeted me. He was the Academy's favorite."I are teknikal suport.

My hometown are Bengal." Captain Pike thought he was speaking my language. But I've always been able to sniff out a Lolcat poser. Real Lolcat's don't ever

use plural for cities on the subcontinent. In Lolcatspeak, the proper expression is "Mah litter iz Tigers town" But Captain Pike's light blinked in his lifesupport trying to elicit

some form of Morse Code. I think it blinked "This is GOD. Bring home toilet paper." But I don't really speak spanish or Morse Code. So I hopped on my Shetland pony, Mr Sprinkles

Translated the Morse Code as "These are the good old days! Go to the store now." So I grabbed my shopping list and bought everything I could get my hands on and carry home.

And I was home but I couldn't remember whether that was true or not. I started and stopped to the realization that I didn't know anything other than that that I was home. Who am I?

Well, I thought, as long as I'm not remembering who I am and don't know whether this was my house...why not rummage around for porn

? It seemed such an easy solution at the time. Things became complicated, however, when I found I could not remember what porn was. A vegetable? All I knew was that I liked it.