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It was Friday and muggy. He kicked off his

  • It was Friday and muggy. He kicked off his shoes, loosened his neck-tie and poured himself a whiskey. Just as he sat

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  • down the phone rang once, then stopped. It had been happening at 4:20pm every day since he moved back to town and he was

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  • scared of the dark. So he lit a match and looked around. He saw a pair of eyes inside the

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  • surrounding darkness. He tried to move, but his body wouldn't respond. He felt a warmth run down his leg and realized

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  • that despite his greying temples, forest of chest hair and voice as deep as Johnny Cash, he had peed himself. Now he

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  • waddled his way towards the crowd of onlookers, unabashedly, and took his place among the children who would sing his praise while holding their noses. Dignity. That's what he

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  • demanded. So he held up his hand to silence the crowd. With one swoop he picked up all the peanut shells off the ground and flung them randomly, shocking everyone. At least

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  • those unfortunate few who were blinded by eye lacerations as the shells ripped through their corneas like Oprah Winfrey into a bag of Ruffles when Dr. Oz wasn't looking. The others

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  • screamed in delight, hoping that the chips would catapult her into some crazed "Favorite Things" episode. Their expressions changed when she turned, gazing at them voraciously and

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  • with the vacant stare of one who had indulged in too much reality television. The madness had seeped into her heart, her blood, her very soul. But I still loved her, always.

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