Sirens wailed. INTRUDER ALERT flashed on

Sirens wailed. INTRUDER ALERT flashed on the console. 'But that's impossible!' huffed the technician, 'I sorted out the glitch.' Then the portal door slid open, revealing

Ronald Mcdoanld. he started offfering kids free happy meals when suddely a mother said "STOP, we're on a diet!"

And he all like "U WANT SALAD THEN!?!?!?"

Then I blinked and there was my brother, wearing a blue wig, halved ping pong balls for eyes, with all the cookies in his hands. "Fucking Jedi!" I said. You're not cookie monster!

I ran outta there and went into my Pinapple Starship. I flew to Hawaii and checked into a hotel and went to sleep. When I woke up I didn't know where I was. It was just a dream.

I was Elvis Presley. Damn, all those 'ludes and bacon sandwiches had really hit me with the whammy jammy. This was the set of....Blue Hawaii, alright, wait what is that on my

pillow? A green substance, the texture of blood. Could it be? I know blood is supposed to be red, but coming back from the dead can do things to a man. When I touched it,

I went to a happy place. It woke up parts of me that I never realized I had before. Sensations I had never even experienced. I could hear the distant echo of

my uvula pealing like a bell in the back of my throat; my coccyx was pounding; my septum was itching. Pleasure had found a new home in these newly discovered body parts.