NUTMEG? the secret to Coca-Cola is... NUTMEG?"

  • NUTMEG? the secret to Coca-Cola is... NUTMEG?" We all looked down sheepishly at our fence as he read the stolen formula. It was the perfect heist, but now

  • we had to contend with the aftermath, the angry coca-cola army fueled entirely by original formula coca-cola. They would never sleep and never stop hunting us, day or night.

  • We were the softer drink. We were Hanes All Natural Soda. But the Lord of Root Beet stood up. "Shall we die like whelps?" We had been so afraid of the Coca Cola Army.

  • They were many times richer and bigger, but they contained all sorts of toxic additives. John Mackey stood up and said, "You are forbidden at Whole Foods! I banish thee!"

  • A short, melodic series of chimes sounded over the speakers and the holographic simulation of a Whole Foods store faded away. John Mackey had passed the aliens' test of courage.

  • His next task was to eat every single M-n-M in a M-n-M factory in under 100 seconds. It was impossible and they only gave him one tool. Dynamite. How was he supposed to do it.

  • Being fond of M&Ms, Murray the Mandrill had an idea. He would blow up the M&M factory with the dynamite and then just leap into a nearby jungle and wait for the judges to go away.

  • Murray new what he had to do. He waited till night fall. When the time came, he snuck in to the M&M factory and set up large buckets filled with bombs,then sneaking out the back he

  • didn't see what happened next. The bombs, sick of being crammed in there so tightly, leapt out of the buckets and rolled freely around the M&M factory. A security officer heard

  • the commotion, but did nothing, as he was busy playing his favorite online game. The next morning, Frieda the custodian arrived and opened the door to her supply clo----BOOOOOMM!!!



  1. SlimWhitman Jan 06 2017 @ 13:57

    poor Frieda, r.i.p.

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