The highschool reunion was his final opportunity

The highschool reunion was his final opportunity to reject Carmen. He wanted her to be attracted to him and then diss her in front of everyone. The only problem was he was fat and

nerdy to boot. So he did what all hard-up nerds do, wore cheap aftershave. It turned out to be entirely unnecessary - Carmen had porked out in the 20 years since highschool

, and now resembled my 260 lb Aunt Melinda. "Carmen? humm, is that you?" She looked at me like I was bag of cheetos. "It's me, Tommy, we used to

festooned with a long bungee cord. Whenever we would pull away from each other and date other people, we would snap back into our torrid affair. I think it was the Tango that kept

the fires of eternal love burning in my heart. That, and the fact that her booty simply refused to quit. To say that she had a sizable ass would be putting too fine a point on it.

And like I said, her buttocks would not fit on a fine point. The amorous flames stoked in my chest produced phantom wisps of smoke churning out my ears as I gazed at her backside.

As I gazed lovingly at this woman's posterior, a familiar song began to play in my head. I think it went something like this:

"I like big butts and I can't lie" Come on, you all know the words... So, I'm checking out this chick, and she turns around, not pleased with the ogling, and she starts to hit me

up, like, "you owe me fifty bucks." And I'm, like, "how drunk WAS I?" And she's, like, "STFU!" And I'm all "that's right! You should be owing ME fifty!" After that, it was all mace