My blind date looked like Tom Petty after

My blind date looked like Tom Petty after a particularly hard bender. Red eyes, hair all scraggly. Breasts full, not firm. I kinda smiled, sat down, and said "Hey, I'm Bill." She

banged her knee and said, "Hi, Bill" to the guy next to me. I put 2 and 2 together. "So you're all...blind?" I asked. "Of course," she said. "These dogs aren't a pack of strays."

But what she didn't tell me was that she was part of a CIA experiment. She'd drank solutions exposed to solar winds and although blind, she could read minds. But I was schizo

-philic. I fell in love with my own alternate personality, which made it hard for us to keep in touch. The CIA experiment woman pointed out that's not what schizo means, but lang-

uage was the least of my worries. My secret spy personality worked nights and I, days. We would talk about our lives when we brushed our teeth. But when I found flowers by my bed,

and a small microphone tucked behind a thorn on (ironically enough) the Peace rose, I had second thoughts about what was going in at night. Was my secret spy personality checking

up on me? But what the black spy could do well the white spy could do better I thought, my grip inadvertently tightened around the Peace Rose. I crushed the mic & the thorn with it

only to have blood spool all over. "What have I done?!" I screamed! I got blood on my new white and gold dress! But now it appears that it will be a red and gold dress! But wait! T

He went to his grave believing that lie. The rest of the world laughed, knowing the dress was really white and gold. Poor, poor fool.