It was a crushing defeat. The heat wave had

It was a crushing defeat. The heat wave had destroyed Mr. Okley's pumpkin patch only days before the town's annual Veggie Might competition. His shriveled produce was too weak for

baking even, not fit for canning, likely a waste of compost space. Mr Okley threw the sorry pumpkins in a corner of the yard and forgot about them. About 6 months later he happened

upon a little boy clutching a blanket near his compost heap. "Get out of here you little brat!" But the blanket boy said, "Oh no sire, I've come to see the Great Pumpkin."

The man was utterly confused. The Great Pumpkin had been destroyed during the Great Pig War. Who had told this young boy that it still existed?

Her father was always coming up with new and fabulous inventions. She would tiptoe down the basement stairs watching the blue flashes strobe shadows on the walls. "I've done i1!"

But it was 0ne eureka t00 many. His quest to convert texting into real speech so he could communicate w1th his teenage daughter was 0ut uv Ctrl. "What hav u done Daddy? :-S"

OMG daddy w1th my attempteds uicide i wantd to sent an SOS *not* SMS x_X –– sory hon mustuv been the autocorretc T__T –– ihate u daddy turn 0ff ur text2speech2text inventon t(>_<t)

"Jesus christ". I tried my best to read the pleading text message I'd found on victim's cellphone but I couldn't make anything out other than "it hurts" repeated some fifty times

. I pondered how they could've found the time to type that out while they were OBVIOUSLY bein' murdered. I decided to cease my investigation and go home to eat some warm spaghetti.