Jack enjoyed spending his time in Creed's

Jack enjoyed spending his time in Creed's Bar in downtown Seattle. It was a small establishment, designed to replicate the vintage small-town feel of the Deep South.

No doubt, Creed's Bar was just about the best southern-hole-in-the-wall in Seattle. Only one thing it lacked, Jack thought: redneck, gum-chewing waitresses. He suggested this idea

to the hipster poser who ran the place these days, now that all the grunge kids from the 90's had fled to Brooklyn to be part of the burgeoning indie-rock scene. He looked confused

because he was confused. He was so confused. He had been teleported here from the 1990's.

The trip had left him dizzy and disoriented. Time travel was not for the faint of heart. Looking around he began to realize where he was but could not comprehend or explain the

He took the dinosaur poop in his hand and inhaled. It smelled just like his deceased Cat, Mildred

, and as he rolled it around in his hands he discovered it was his deceased Cat, Mildred, in there. He fell into the pile of thunder lizard defecation and wept. Cats came from afar

and from awide to feast on his remains. Even Garfield, who was notorious for hating Mondays, flew in on the first redeye that Sunday to get a taste of Mildred's delectable flesh

and dripping womanhood. Garfield disembarked somewhere near the Zanzibar salt-flats and began walking north, following the smell of malt and lasagna to a grim conclusion where he'd