The fact that it was a girl making some of

The fact that it was a girl making some of those sounds was what got me out of the car and around the side of the station.

The gorgeous female construction worker was making catcalls and whistling noises at me. Her buddies egged her on, remarking that my Speedo left little to the imagination. Sock

puppets were taped to my feet.

I looked around, frantic to get them off of me.

Spying a a nearby lake I ran and jumped in. Staying submerged long enough so they relented, but then I saw the swarm of barracuda.

They swam toward me, thousands of tiny teeth bared in what can only be described as a smile of impending pain. I needed out of this lake. The shore was still filled with them so

I mimicked the majestic Jesus Lizard, running across the surface of the water until I made it to safety. Just when I thought I was in the clear, however, a bunch of

armed militiamen on motorboats began firing wildly in my direction with AK-47 automatic rifles, shouting incomprehensible political slogans. I wondered which conflict I had entered

quick shout over to them and told them to back off. When they didn't listen, I proceeded to throw small things at them. All of the sudden, a whale rose out of the water and