Sometimes I like to sing. My elephant likes

Sometimes I like to sing. My elephant likes it. Show tunes, mostly. But occasionally I belt out some Sinatra for her as well. Until that awful day when everything changed.

There I was singing an old standard with Dimples {my elephant} trumpeting along with me, when my voice broke. Well Dimples snorted at me, and when she did her ears flew up and

It was a mundane life like mine that drove the average man crazy. Ice cream without toppings was nothing more than another knife stabbing my psyche- now all I needed was a twist.

So I twisted my titties. Spurned by the sharp pain, I jumped up, only to have the top half of my brain chopped off by my Edward Scissorhands novelty ceiling fan. Unfazed, I

fell to the ground and lose consciousness. I quickly got onto my feet and saw a violet-brick road leading to an empyrean sunset. The grass was blue and the sky green. I felt my

bump on my tongue. It felt all huge and sore. Every time I rubbed my tongue on my teeth, my eyes watered, and hurt--so good. I kept at it. But when I looked at it, it was a tiny

little face. My face, glasses and all. At first I thought I must have been dreaming, but then it spoke in a wet little voice, "Keep at it!" I pulled my tongue back into my mouth

then proceeded to swallow it entirely. I began choking furiously, and could feel my eyes bulging out of my head, saliva bubbling from the corners of my mouth. I gagged but my

gallbladder just wouldn't stay down. I was vaguely aware of the floor coming up to support me as rays of moonlight danced the Charleston across my field of vision. I hate clowns.