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In a past life I must have been a really

  • In a past life I must have been a really bad boy because in this life I'm a really good boy but only really bad things happen to me. Either that or I'm just

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  • totally confused by an over idealized idea of myself, mixed with an over dominant mother and an irrationally deep seated belief that I can pull myself up by my own boot straps. I a

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  • te nails for breakfast and drank motor oil instead of whiskey, because I was completely convinced my stomach could digest such things with ease. I never looked before I crossed the

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  • road, as I presumed, as most things did, the cars would bounce off me. I thought about this as I had my lunch, a child's bicycle I had found abandoned on the highway. When

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  • lunch was over I looked over my agenda on my iPad. Should I crash through the power grid or use my radioactive breath on the CN tower? I picked myself off the overpass and trudged

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  • fast that my legs become powerless. When I glimpsed the tower is now at hand, took a deep breath and

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  • removed an askew block. The Jenga tower shook but remained upright. "I'd like to call a trainer," I told the chair umpire, who rolled his eyes. The Jenga tourney was cramping me up

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  • so i took a muscle relaxer to help me uncramp my hand. The umpire told me I could call a trainer only after my current turn. I reached towards the tower and tried to pull a block

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  • out but...disaster struck & the whole damn thing came tumbling down. Dead silence in the room. "I...I..." I stuttered, but then thought the better of it. "I'm NOT SORRY! I screamed

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  • and brought it all down!" I screamed. "What you people get up to should be abolished, not for what it is, but for the way in which you do it!" I fled the scene before knowing what.

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