I was paralyzed. All I could do was watch

I was paralyzed. All I could do was watch the ghostly white Count open his maw to drink the blood from my neck but when I saw his teeth, instead of two sharp fangs, two cashews

protruded from his incisors & a piece of green onion was between his front teeth.The Count apparently had cashew chicken prior to drifting thru my window. I gave him some dental fl

oss and chided him. "When was the last time you had those canines cleaned? It smells like something died." "Five hundred years ago, blah!" "Let's set up an appointment."

Our hero then set off to take his band of dogs to the nearest salon (for a much needed, 500-years overdue cleaning). Unbeknownst to the hero, the salon was actually an evil lair.

The boobytrap at the door was too obvious not to notive, but this hero liked some action once in a while. He distracted one of his band by

grabbing the biggest c-ring that the internet could provide, and shoving it in his bandmate's, Dennis's, face. Dennis leaped backwards onto the boobytrap. Suddenly, the trap

"Don't try to pull the wool over my eyes!" shouted the grocer as he chased Dennis out of the produce department and into the canned meats. Dennis' eyes grew huge as he read the

warning signs posted on the walls ('Nosy kids will be shot') & huger at the labels on the cans of "meat" ('human eyeballs' 'Mr. Brown's liver'). What kind of grocery is this?Dennis

M., the Prophet of Dennism, taught that the backside of any phenomenon needn't be painted because nobody was the only one who might see it and nobody would never look. So it goes.