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One day in the Leap Year I was walking to

  • One day in the Leap Year I was walking to the restroom at work. We'd been informed, that morning, planned dysfunction would have only one bathroom open in the building. The 9th.

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  • Except, there was only 8 bathrooms. I walked out of my workplace and my boss yelled " You're fired for leaving when it is not your break time

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  • and your refusal to use our facilities properly!" As if it were my fault that in all 8 bathrooms, I couldn't find a single functional one. Ah, well. Time to sell my blood for rent.

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  • A buyer came unnaturally quickly to my door after I put up a listing on Ebay. I had put it up for $262 per gallon, but my buyer didn't look like he could pay that kind of price.

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  • I just shit my pants dad

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  • There ain’t no cause to announce your bowel misadventures loud enough for the Dorsey twins to hear. You ain’t never getting laid if you keep dropping a deuce in your drawers, Son.

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  • Well, come on. Let's clean up your trousers and get you off to college. I hope they can straighten you out. As for the Dorsey twins, I can only hope that they mind their own

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  • farms without you. I know how over-reliant those boys are on you. Now, get in the truck, let's get you off to college!" By the time we arrived on campus, we had listened to all of

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  • the White Album 40 times and sung “A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall” all the way through 8 times. In short, our brains were fried when we reached campus and could only mumble

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  • "Yabba dabba doo," faintly, over and over. Admin stood ready to meet our mindless bodies & plug us into charging stations. Later, we'll masquerade as Trump's men & storm Washington

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