Eating only lentils for six years is actually

  • Eating only lentils for six years is actually pretty good for the guts, or so my doctor told me when I was finally released from observation. It was the protein sauce that had swol

  • len my brain. My head was 4 sizes too big and I could barely walk around. not only was my head swollen but because I had been eating burritos for the past six years every day, my

  • arteries were all clogged, not to mention I had really bad gas from all the beans. It may be the last time I eat Mexican food for 6 years straight, although I do like hot salsa on

  • ice cream and jalapeno-poppers in fudge brownies. I rubbed my gut. It looked like a boiled ham. The gut. My gut. Hard and soft. Bulbous and shiny. I wanted the world to see it as

  • a big yellowish ball full of yummy interesting food and things. I know this would soon be so because it grew and grew everytime I

  • coughed when the doctor told me to turn my head. This clinical trial of self-warming stethoscopes was getting boring, but it paid well. I had plenty of $ for yellowfish balls

  • Best damn bait for Grouper when I attach 'em to my fishing lures. I'd soldered me up a few ticklers & was just itchin' to take my delinquent nephew Rufus for another fishin' lesson

  • down at the lake (mud puddle). So I grabbed my nephew Rufus (stuffed animal) and fired up the bass boat (inflation mattress). It was a bright sunny day (pouring rain) so I decided

  • to stay outdoors and read books (facebook on Kindle). The bass (tadpoles) weren't biting, but I decided to be patient and stay a very long while outside (2 seconds). Rufus got mu

  • during his transcendent meditation (masturbation) & wasn't any help at all (to us). Then a giant frog (giant frog) jumped out, crying (raging) about us eating its babies & ate us.



  1. Zetawilk Aug 11 2012 @ 02:55

    Hot sauce on cupcakes? What? It's good!

  2. SlimWhitman Aug 11 2012 @ 05:02

    Reality bites.

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