The tension in the arcade rose to a stern

The tension in the arcade rose to a stern hush as the new kid firmly stepped through the smudged glass doors. It was Zack...the coolest guy in town. The glint off his sunglasses

made me sick. I ralfed all over the sexy blonde next to me and she passed it on to the kid in the khaki lederhosen. The kid also became ill and soon it turned into a

doppelganger of the sexy blonde lady. I blinked twice, wondering if it was the drink or my stomach that was making me see things. Though those khakis should go unseen.

"Heyo? Who says that?" tossing her blonde curls into my face and walking away. I was heartbroken but I know that I would keep trying to win her heart - this was something special

about the Arby's on S. Penguin St. in Covington, West Virginia. But the Arby's Sauce tasted more sour that day when that blonde bombshell of a cashier rejected me. Yet I would win

-d my way down those WVA country roads, dreaming of her sweet, sweet lips and writing songs that would win America's heart. My first big hit was called "Big Blonde Arby's Cashier"

, reflecting the time I'd asked for a regular Arby's Roast Beef & left with more meat than I could devour. Yeah, that experience was worthy of a country song. Then I wrote a song

Called "Choking down Arbys meat" which was met with international misinterpretation. My decline was brief but violent. I out Lohan'ed Lohan. Out Britney'ed Britney. My rock bottom

was harder than The Rock's bottom. But from those ashes I have emerged stronger and wiser, with new ideas that will change the world! Coming soon: "Munching on Subway six-inchers"!