I will lead you to the two dozen most important

I will lead you to the two dozen most important practices. It involves a villa, linen envelopes, a screen door sprayed with PAM, and three Albanian

merchants specializing in the sale of letters carried by the Pony Express. But what sets us apart from the various other practitioners utilizing these common ingredients is that we

guarantee that authentic pony manure smell on every letter you receive. Unlike some other less reputable "Poney Express" carriers, our packages travel all the way on the back of

a carriage pulled by real, live ponies. No half-assed, if you'll excuse the expression, horses, mules, or donkeys. Your letters and packages are guaranteed to be delivered on time.

"Hey, Grandpa, get off the road!" A young punk on a moped yelled. As much as he appreciated the town's pull to return to rustic customs, this was just ridiculous. Mail by horse was

Dreadfully slow but more dependable than the post office much of the time. This was four years after the postal service switched back to pigeons.

A fleet of mail dragons was dispatched that very afternoon. They did a good job, but people still complained. It was all "My catalogue is singed" and "All the maidens in town have

lost all there hair in all the wrong places. You can never seem to find happiness anywhere. No matter what, people are going to complain.

So if Doc says you've only got a month to live, or if your mother-in-law moves in for good, remember to put things in their proper perspective. You could have been bald!