...as you can see, compared to space and

  • ...as you can see, compared to space and time, we are but small blips. However, since we can perceive the vastness, our brains encompass the universe. Taco?

  • With trembling fingers I took the taco. Like a crisp tortilla, my defenses crumbled upon this realization. My life seemed so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Lettuce

  • is a plant, I get that. But that doesn't mean I need to have it crammed into every dish I eat! I was supposed to keep this to myself, but what the hell. I can speak lettuce.

  • But I can't understand a word that the radishes are saying, on account of their thick accents. In response to this, they start yelling at me, as if that's gonna help. Finally, I

  • snap. "Shut up Shut up Shut up. Find someone else with opposable thumbs to help you, you stupid radishes, at least the cucumbers were polite"

  • "Who do you think you're dealing with, petty mammal? We may not look like much, but we're the leaders of this patch. And really though? What are we asking you for? Blood? No!"

  • We're asking for a fluid that is expendable to you, but very nourishing to we, the Porcelain Minions of Aldebaran. We insist on this tribute and your planet will be spared.

  • So once again a nasty universe was after our precious bodily fluids. It was true, on some level this one was expendable but not against the whole. We told the aliens to "Piss Off"

  • Strange enough, the words “piss off” were mistranslated to the aliens as a beginning of a backwards mating ritual. And the Alien King, unsure of this “romantic encounter” could on

  • ly hope he didn’t get an STD. Nobody moved for 3 minutes until the Alien King was told again to “piss off.” At that, he unholstered his ray gun and blew them all to smithereens.



  1. TarotGuy Mar 08 2018 @ 12:45

    If I had enough characters to spare, I would have had the Alien King say, "Go ahead...make my Doris Day!" before firing his ray gun.

  2. Woab Mar 08 2018 @ 12:51

    Finishing in the comments section is acceptable here. And that's a boffo ending, considering that Doris day was considered a virginal actress.

  3. TarotGuy Mar 08 2018 @ 12:54

    Que Sera, Sera!

  4. SlimWhitman Mar 08 2018 @ 16:51

    ly hope he didn’t get an STD. He said "Go ahead, make my Doris Day." Nobody moved until he was told again to “piss off". He unholstered his ray gun & blew them all to smithereens.

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