Underneath all those gummy bears beat the

Underneath all those gummy bears beat the heart of a champion, and Marsha resolved to dig it out so that she could eat all those delicious bears without getting blood on her

favorite new blouse. Really, who would ever want to ruin such a cute top with a nasty blood stain all over it? So Marsha began digging into the gummy worms, using all her might to

hog my spotlight. Finally I erupted, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, everything's always about Marsha!" Everyone looked at me like I'd stepped in dog turds. Why can't they ever understand

English? The indigenous tribes of Papua New Guinea were hard to communicate with. I tried again, slowly: "I want go. You have BOAT?" Chief Marsha pointed at her goat. Close enough.

As I rode the wild goat through the New Guinea jungles, I heard the natives snicker behind my back. I turned and saw that they hopped into a Range Rover and drove away. This sucks.

My ass is covered in saddle sores from wild goat riding, my hair is infested with chiggers, and I haven't had a coffee in 13 days. Meanwhile, these supposedly untouched tribes are

tive tribesman offered to guide us to the mysterious temple in the jungle, I thought "Thank God I'll finally have somebody decent to talk to." My fellow explorers were incredibly

unappreciative & kept ranting about it being a trap; look at their necklaces made of human teeth... The natives led us right to a temple shaped like a giant molar with a golden cap

orbiting the massive structure. I was in awe, and found myself stepping through the arched entrance. Light enveloped my vision. I had ascended to the next life... as a dentist.