I have this job at a place called Freddy

I have this job at a place called Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. There are so many animatronics: the Toy ones, the old ones, Puppet, Balloon Boy. I'll be lucky to survive because Bonnie

Has no face. Any way even though I might die tonight, that's not the point, I get a story to tell and I wanted to tell you it now, so here's how it goes.

But wait a minute, would you? I've got a pie to take out of the oven. We cannot have storytime, gruesome as it may be, without pie al a mode. Ice cream on yours? Here you go. Now,

Keep in mind this is a jailbreak pie, so give the warden this part marked with the cherub. The candles are explosive flairs, and the wedding couple are actually

marzipan, in case you get hungry on the run. I shall have a rickshaw waiting outside the walls with a bolt cutter and more snacks. And wet naps, in case you get shot. Godspeed.

Mother dear thought of everything. While the guards distracted with a game of Uno, I unbundled my parasol and glided over the razorwire. Mom drove the rickshaw. "Chex Mix?"

, one of the guards implored. "No, certainly not", the other replied as he deployed his convenient boring potato chip bag over his superior snack so that he would not have to share

his delicious Chex-Mix with the plebeian scum that grabbed his ankles and refused to let go. He had nothing but contempt for the bootlicking parasites. They would have to learn

To stay inside the dumpster where they belonged.