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In conclusion, let me simply say, I never

  • In conclusion, let me simply say, I never agreed to be ruled by these reptiles, regardless of their race, sex, party, or style of bullshit. Any resemblance between my prudential

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  • white-tee-and-maroon-slacks combo and the pit of milk snakes i fell into is coincidental. The trigger-shy Cincinnati Zoo guards looked on as the diverse snakes plundered my

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  • sandwich and squirted their milk-snake venom all over my white-tee-and-maroon slacks until the colors ran together and I became the Man in the Pink Pants. Realizing their mistake,

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  • they quickly found me a pink shirt to match my ruined slacks, and we came to a startling realization. I look great in pink! It was then I began my career as an all-pink wearing

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  • trapeze artist. My circus name would be Alfonso the Pink. I commissioned Elvira to sew sequins on my pink leotard and began training on the high wire the following morning.

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  • The funny thing was, I was deathly afraid of heights so the high wire was probably not my circus calling. And to top it all off, my leotard was riding up my buttcrack. After hoppi

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  • ng onto the wire for this dreaded performance, people laughed as they watched me. I am not talented in the beginning, but you ad 50 feet to this wire and a giant wad of fabric up

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  • The head and start quoting the great masters writings without ever having read the book. The university of London requires this performance to graduate with honours. Otherwise

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  • a different scenario will ensue. What that scenario turns out to be has yet to be determined and mostly depends on what you will do now. Right now. Go for the gusto or go for the

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  • guts ... oh but only if you feel like it. If the coming scenario should make a turn for the worse, you may want to reconsider your options. Either way it will work out in the end.

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