This is the story of a girl named Ace / Who

This is the story of a girl named Ace / Who rescued her parents from outer space. / She flew on a broom to the top of the moon / and left a breadcrumb there, just in case.

Ace returned with her mom and dad in tow / They were thankful, but not enough, y'know? / So she sent them back to the moon's crumb stack / and said "You'll be sorry tomorrow!"

Ace's parents gave her that name because she was a trophy for them. These days, every kid has a trophy and there are no losers until you enter the real world. What nonsense is that

? The real world is full of losers. People should prepare their trophy kids to be successful trophies. They should make their trophy kids wear gold leotards and

first Mamushka. Every Addams would be there. You with only one head and less than three eyes were the freak among freaks. Luckily you had

An extra few legs to make up for it. Having less than three would be nothing short of mortifying. Every Addams needed at least a couple of extra body parts.

Which is why they always built their homes next to a graveyard or a roller derby rink. There was always extra body parts available in either one. Parking was an issue near the rink

(as were nosy people), so they opted to live near the graveyard and collect body parts there, choosing discretion over freshness. “Today we’ll collect heads, forearms, and testes,"

she told her young charges brightly. Her class groaned. "But teach'oh, you nev'oh said weh having a testy today!" said one girl. She frowned: "You'll eat whatever I damn well serve