"What did you say your name was again, sir?"

"What did you say your name was again, sir?" the clerk said, cocking his head. The tall bearded man looked down and muttered, "I said...my name is...Turly Curd."

"With a name like Turly Curd you can take all the toilet paper you want from this highly respectable establishment." the clerk said with a wimper. He took

the Charmin and raised it above his head and said, "When I held aloft this Magic Roll of Toilet Paper and said, I have the power!" I became He-

Man, and burst into song. "hey yay yayayaya" I sang. The charmin bear's toilet paper grew to the size of a house, and Babar came out of it.

No-one cared though. Barbar was determined to change that though, with his new heavy metal album.

It was called the "Torture In America EP", with Barbar's new hits such as "Nail Deathscream" and "Sucking Muscle Agony 838", with riffs comparable to Heino and a solid bass line.

Played at high volume, the music's infrasound induced nausea & vomiting. The kids loved it. They organized sham protests to experience the new sonic weapons used by riot police.

Such results were not really my thing, but hey, to each the right to externally induce vomiting if they so choose. I won't judge (too much).

I prefer internal induction of vomiting, so I simply thought of something really gross, like maggot cheese, and spewed my insides on the canvas. What a glorious masterpiece.