"Dad, dad, dad!" Alex said while running

"Dad, dad, dad!" Alex said while running to her father. "You won't beleive what happened! I went to school and i met this person!" Her father looked at her and then said

"Did he have a dollar?" "No,' said Alex, "He had 2 dollars!" "ZOMG!" cried Alex's dad, also known as Leonardo. "He must buy me a candy bar!" So Alex ran back to the school to find

him, and beg him for one of his two dollars. Alex just knew that he would be able to spare it; after all, he owed Alex from that time when he

delivered those newspapers to his house. He was owed those two dollars fair and square. I mean, the world's news at your fingertips? That's worth two dollars. I want my two

gigantic hulking newspaper, enraged by my years of abusing its smaller kin by throwing them onto peoples' lawns for money. When it finally caught up with me, it exacted revenge by

crushing me into a roll and tightening a constricting bandage around me. I was then transported and eventually laid out at the bottom of a huge cage containing the biggest parakeet

ladies ever seen. And when I say "laid out", I do mean...but I'll spare you the personal details. The parakeet women demanded sustenance in the form of wine and cracker, so I

went to the cellar & got a bottle of 1959 Château Lafite-Rothschild & some Lavash crackers. But the Lovebird complained the wine had cork. I wasn't about to let a picky parakeet

ruin my swan song, so I downed her glass of wine too. I intended to go down swigging, but it turns out that the parakeet was also a paramedic.