Bob's dreams hadn't panned out over the years.

Bob's dreams hadn't panned out over the years. He hadn't saved the whales. He hadn't cured cancer. He hadn't circumnavigated Mars. But then he watched Randy Pausch's Last Lecture,

and realized, all he needed to do was to get cancer. So he focused his energy on that. He chewed, smoked and ate tobacco. He bought a radar gun and shot it at his groin, he

tried inhaling asbestos from public schools, but it was the cigarettes in the first place that did the trick, natch. Now imbued with cancerous death, he could let loose his plan of

world domination. First, he would hijack the department of foreign affairs, then use his connections to build an army of unimaginable strength, all commanded from his hospital bed

aboard the space station. He would sit by his window and look at the tiny blue dot that was earth as the puny humans fought each other and he gained more and more power. His army

wasn't needed; the humans would destroy themselves over time. All he had to do was wait here in the space station. 200 million years later the blue dot turned red. He knew then

noticed the engines was malfunctioning. This would have to be a crash landing. The spaceship hurtled toward the red, dusty surface, accelerating with gravity.

The crew members braced themselves for impact. John, the spaceship's captain, gripped the controls as tightly as he could. Braking through the cloud cover

Captain John focused his mind as the juddering spacecraft's hull began to vaporize. The riotous wind tore through him but he willed the craft to a safe landing with nary a skid.