One day some teachers found an online version

One day some teachers found an online version of 'consequences', everyone's favourite writing fluency game! One of them started a story for the others to see it, and then...

the American Spelling Squad swooped in and corrected the fold. There is no I in team, and there is no U in favorite. They confiscated his malt vinegar and replaced it with ketchup.

It didn't make a difference however as the autocorrect in Word was set to Australian English and so reinserted the U and also changed ketchup to tomato sauce.

I hate humor, I much prefer humour. Likewise, color does my head in. The u is such a nice letter to write. I think it's smiley characteristic subconsciously makes us feel happy.

But then I think this over again and realize (note: not relise) that the 'u' is not only unnecessary but should be pronounced differently: humooouur (a la French: amour). Crazy.

Of course I am a Canadian who visited England for a semester abroad so I am a total expert in accents and pronunciation. I broadcast, "Cheers" instead of thank you, call a sweater

a jumper and pooh-pooh all that is American. Yes, I an a right douche bag from the Great White North and proud of it. Too bad my

house, that was supposed to be in Canada, was in North Dakota instead. Some immigration guy told me that satellite surveys had determined I was living in the US without a passport

he tossed over his sunglasses. No one could ever know. No one should ever know. But he would have to live with it forever.