Wanted:Test subject for scientific study

Wanted:Test subject for scientific study on pain. Subject agrees to be stung by bee 5 times per day on different body parts including, lip, nostril, armpit, penis & testicle. Renum

bing the test areas will result in automatic disqualification. "Hm. I don't have the last two things on that list," said Molly. "Can I still take part in the study?"

"Yes you may," said the administrator. "It's not so much a study as it is a theme park ride, really. And you're at least this tall, so you qualify." She giggled and pulled out a

comically oversized turkey leg. Speaking with her mouth full, she said "Llkay, hare dowey itton?" He rolled his eyes and said "Please be seated on the bench to your left." A loud

mouth entered and started shooting his yap off about the turkey. He rolled his eyes again. Great, another family Thanksgiving. This time he'd put laxatives in the gravy. The fun

would begin in about 2 hours when the bathroom would become the most popular place in the house. He listened to the same story about the time his brother left him in the middle of

the ice-skating rink to simply slip over and induce a coma. His brother would sit by his bed telling him of these stories like they were new events in his life. Really though,

how many times can you slip and crack your head on an ice-skating rink before your brain is just gone? Surprised we're not still landing on the moon for the first time, what with

rid of these absurd fetishes that keep creeping into our conversations. At that, we set off for war. War never changes, except when there's giant mutated whale panda hybrids in it.