There I was, stifling my sobs into heavy

There I was, stifling my sobs into heavy breathes with my forehead against the exterior glass of the sphere. The door wooshed open behind me, and I turned hear it: "EXTERMINATE!"

I knew about these things from that Doctor guy. Thinking quickly, I ran up the stairs. "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMIN... Does not compute. Google search stairs." They had WiFi access?

WiFi access at the "Comfort Inn" was a total bonus. I mean, that comes with the free continental breakfast? I quit my life and decided to live at the Comfort Inn permanently,

where I married a Mexican maid named Gloria. I figured that if I rationed shampoo and built a water slide from my balcony to the pool, this place could be Hotel Sweet Hotel. Money

was the problem. Our Hotel clients consisted mostly of desperado wannabes short on pesos. I enlisted a few of the shadier customers in a heist of the local Banco. Gloria said, "No,

ai Dios!Como puedo me quedar a cá,sin la plata!"No money,no room...the sign was clear.

a pink hat with feathers, oversized sunglasses and a matching hula-hoop. More to surprise the victim of my robbery then to be inconspicuous. Besides, I will be long gone by the

time they discover my true identity. I'm very proud of my sneakiness and robbery skills, which is why I brag about them in my online dating profile.

But, is it really time to let on that I enjoy stealing neighbor's cats and slow cooking them for my five-time award winning chili?