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I contrived fissionably late at Becky's for

  • I contrived fissionably late at Becky's for her perennial Christmas fiasco. "I love that debacle you're wearing!" she sprayed dejectedly. I began malingering with the other guests.

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  • That's when I smelled it. Someone had let a SBD go. An eye burner. A little fermented,cabbage gas. I kept my face stone still and watched the other guests. Poker faces. I pretended

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  • that I couldn't tell who it was. But I could tell. It was Ant Chango-- my weird aunt who ate nothing but bugs for like, a year. The odor was stifling. I had to leave-- but she was

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  • insistent, I absolutely had to try a slice of her bug roast smothered in cockroach hemolymph. Ant Chango's chitin-ladden breath subdued me. I felt faint. Then a spoon with a squirm

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  • ing mass of just-excreted poison dart frog eggs was thrust into my mouth. MmmmmmSpicy! Rejuvenated, I clasped Ant Chango and spun her around in circles. I felt positively

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  • blissful, and a bit dizzy, but I kept spinning, faster, with spastic enthusiasm. Ant Chango passed out from G-force, and we ascended, her limp body serving as a helicopter blade.

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  • Ant Chango was looking for an uncle. Bee Goode chased her, but she was not interested. The Zeppelin carried ants all over the world and we couldn't vanish fast enough that day.

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  • The only person that could help us was Cardinal Boytango, the crooked ex-priest. He knew Bee Goode and her army of ants well, and knew her weak spots. He devised a plan so

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  • diabolical that it is recorded in history books are over Ittoqqortoormiit, and celebrated everywhere on the island as Po Boy Tango Bee Good to Ants Day. The day we won our freedom.

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  • Crazy folks everywhere run with knives and dance freely in their pajamas, symbolic of the last battle where everyone fought at three in the morning with nothing but kitchen cutlery

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3 Comments

  1. Jimbeau Mar 06 2017 @ 17:44

    "...diabolical that it is recorded in history books all over Ittoqqortoormiit..." Not are over! ALL OVER! I blew it!!

  2. Rebbie Mar 06 2017 @ 17:48

    I knew what you meant Jimbeau.

  3. Jimbeau Mar 06 2017 @ 23:47

    Thanks for the "save," Rebbie...another classic final line!

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