Upon concluding business, Jim went to shake

Upon concluding business, Jim went to shake hands. His partner recoiled. "Sorry, I have a thing." And by thing, he meant tactile confusion. Hand sensations misfired to his genitals

causing them to split into five separate meat popsicles. Yes, his underwear would then fit like a glove, but people would stare at his bulging pants thinking he grew a second ass.

They would call him mega butt.

making apple pie. He used his mom's recipe to fight crime! The police didn't know what to make of the tied-up criminals with strudel filled mouths. By day, Apple-Pie Man was

a mild-mannered baker. By night, a vicious vigilante. Apple-Pie Man's name was whispered by criminals everywhere, always with an undercurrent of fear. Crime rates dropped

in Cotton-candy Town. But the unruly "Put That Meat in Your Mouth" gang was still choking people with pepperonis despite hero Apple-Pie Man's appearance. Princes Blueberry was very

Self conscious of her size, compared to the strawberries. Her mum told her, no worry. Apple-pie Man was giving out samples of his apple pies at Whole Foods, fresh out of the oven.

Considering her mother was Gwenyth Paltrow who is thin as a stick, that was not only useless advise but false. Nobody gives their pies away for free. NOBODY. Applepie Man was up to

here with everyone's suggestions of charity. "Oh, so you want me to give my pies away? Well how's this?" he said, and he splatted himself against the face of a passing clown.