Everybody knows I don't dance unless I am

Everybody knows I don't dance unless I am extremely drunk. When extremely drunk I can dance & speak Spanish fluently. Other than that I don't dance. So why am I dancing today?

Because I bought these incredible auto-dancing shoes on QVC! Watch this! I just press this button here & voila! I can tango! And then when I push THIS button, I can

do the Mambo! Look at me go! Now, where is the off switch to these shoes. ( I should've read the instructions.) Now, hold on.. Aaargh! (Great. The Electric Slide.)

but I hit the wrong shoe button and began dancing the Lambada. The Brazilian police appeared out of no-where and arrested me for doing the forbidden dance, but the shoes kept danc-

ing on their own. Even once I was stripped from them they tapped and swirled away. "See officer it wan't me They held me hostage." Which wasn't far from true. But after they confis

ing. A mounted policeman shouted to those on foot, "Earworm alert!" Hips wiggling uncontrollably, the Brazilian cops tried to cover their ears. I wriggled free and twirled away.

Only to see a bunch of young guys in heels, standing still at the moment but any movement might strike a spark off the sidewalk. My spirit was something that

I could only examine with a Canadian quarter... but no matter what I yelled

That they were not allowed to be counted as real currency anywhere else. Now were they made with real silver anymore.

But I only needed one.I placed it in my mouth & lay down to sleep in a small wooden ship & floated downstream where Charon rejected it. I wander the banks of the Styx to this day.