Everybody knows I don't dance unless I am

Everybody knows I don't dance unless I am extremely drunk. When extremely drunk I can dance & speak Spanish fluently. Other than that I don't dance. So why am I dancing today?

Because I bought these incredible auto-dancing shoes on QVC! Watch this! I just press this button here & voila! I can tango! And then when I push THIS button, I can

do the Mambo! Look at me go! Now, where is the off switch to these shoes. ( I should've read the instructions.) Now, hold on.. Aaargh! (Great. The Electric Slide.)

but I hit the wrong shoe button and began dancing the Lambada. The Brazilian police appeared out of no-where and arrested me for doing the forbidden dance, but the shoes kept danc-

ing on their own. Even once I was stripped from them they tapped and swirled away. "See officer it wan't me They held me hostage." Which wasn't far from true. But after they confis

ing. A mounted policeman shouted to those on foot, "Earworm alert!" Hips wiggling uncontrollably, the Brazilian cops tried to cover their ears. I wriggled free and twirled away.

Only to see a bunch of young guys in heels, standing still at the moment but any movement might strike a spark off the sidewalk. My spirit was something that

That they were not allowed to be counted as real currency anywhere else. Now were they made with real silver anymore.

But I only needed one.I placed it in my mouth & lay down to sleep in a small wooden ship & floated downstream where Charon rejected it. I wander the banks of the Styx to this day.