Except for his wrist watch, he was naked

Except for his wrist watch, he was naked in the Bellagio fountains. He was sitting on one of the water canons counting the seconds until the next show. What he didn't realize was

there are cameras INSIDE the fountain, as well. The internets were becoming filled with shots of his bare behind while he waited. By the time the Bellagio fountain began the show,

his bare cheeks had assumed a rosy red colour due to the sun that had been scorching them all day. The Bellagio Fountain webcam got 17,000 hits that day, people were actually

paying to watch his buns roast in the sun. The idiots. He decided to treat his webcam viewers to a real show. He squatted over the fountain steps and squeezed his burnt buttocks

tightly together, truly taut, tantamount to torture. Then he released a large ruby from 'tween his cheeks and winked at the webcam. Of course he had planted it there earlier but

Penn & Teller hadn't checked him there! There are limits to paranormal debunkery, & body cavity inspection with our without latex glove are one. So for the next Bullshit! show Dr.

-- well, just because he was Dr. Phil. Isn't that enough? Penn riffed about the saw while Teller put Dr. Phil into the box. Backstage, I laughed. This was exactly

the platform a free agent janitor such as myself needed to land a new gig. I entered stage right, broom and dust bin in hand. The audience tossed roses as I swept Dr. Phil's halves

into a bucket, and threw sawdust on the place where he threw himself up. Left on the stage, from within Dr. Phil, was a tiny, crying newborn infant, bald and with a moustache.