The glittery ball in Times Square started

The glittery ball in Times Square started to descend and everyone around seemed joyous as the countdown began

ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

I fell off the cliff into the churning sea with jagged rocks awaiting me at the bottom

and it gave me only seconds to react. My necklace throbbed against my chest, trying to save itself from the idiot it had chosen. I touched it and pain shot through my back, wings

sprouted up like trees. I began to fly off into the night heading towards

Vegas. I had a room voucher for the MGM and my tax refund. In my pocket I had

Bette Midler's personal cell phone number. With trembling fingers I dialed. The phone rang. And rang. Finally I heard the receiver lifted.

That bastard Barry Manilow picked up the phone. While he played gay bath houses for the Divine Miss M in the 70s, how had he taken her cell phone? Then I figured it out.

Bette Midler & Barry Manilow were one & the same hideous creature, 50s she-male Boris Midman. The 2 BM's were the result of early Soviet experiments in splitting the hermaphrodite.