It was a new day, with a new mission. My

It was a new day, with a new mission. My name is Agent P and I had to defeat the evil Dr. Doofensmerts and his new super evil evil machine. We got a tip that the machine

was located in a dungeon below the castle but we didn't know where the dungeon was. In fact we didn't even know where the castle was. Then it struck me ; I thought of a way of

locating our position in the castle's dungeon. Sonar. I clapped my hands and followed the echo. I stumbled over what must have been a skeleton. My hand landed right in a pile

of a brown and sticky substance. How relieved I was to find out that it was just another monster guarding a treasure chest. I slayed the creature, and acquired the "Hero's

Spectacles." When I put them on, I could see all evil within a ten-mile radius. I immediately noticed three hooligans snatching oranges from a curbside peelery/juicery. "I'll stop

crime with my evil spectacles!"I thought. i didn't realize that Lord Cataract the evil optometrist had crafted them. I began to develop the nystagmatic evil eye. The lens magnified

people's physical flaws, & in the light the evil spectacles highlighted ghoulish devils living in my eyelashes. Lord Cataract's optometry ploy had me paranoid of my eyebrow mites.

Soon, I saw everyone's flaws, but my own were the most egregious. I shaved off all body hair and constantly applied calamine lotion to folds, joints and crevices. Lord Cataract bl

ew a kiss and winked. I glanced away, feeling uncomfortable. He'd obviously been watching."I have an itch to scratch, too," Lord Cataract said. I capped the calamine bottle